"Pregnant Women are Smug"

You laughed. Do not lie, because you laughed. (I laughed the hardest at the boy/girl, baby names, baby father interlude.)

Plus, it falls under the category of "funny because it's true"; we have all known pregnant women who automatically assume that because they are pushing out a baby (like everyone else in the history of life), they have attained a position of privilege and wisdom that the rest of us plebs cannot possibly understand. Just mention that you don't have any plans to have kids and watch their eyes widen as they contemplate what a miserable, lonely, selfish bitch you are. I actually did mention that I wasn't 100% sold on having kids of my own to a friend and her then-fiance, now-husband. He seemed horrified, she looked confused. As if my opinion was suddenly rocking the world they had, until then, assumed operated in a certain fixed and unmovable sequence involving the imperative that women MUST want kids and MUST be excited over pregnancy and MUST be counting down the days until they too will have their very own pwecious-wecious, itsy-bitsy baby...waby. Erm, no thanks. I like kids, I really do, they can be funny and creative and excited about life, but at the end of the day I'd really like to hand them back to their keepers and then do things I want to do. Personal freedom, suck it world!

I suppose it should be mentioned (although it is obvious without saying) that not all pregnant women are, in fact, smug. My sister-in-law is a shining example of this: she hasn't had the easiest pregnancy in the world and I'll be impressed/intimidated if she goes for it again, but she continues to be the kind, compassionate, thoughtful woman she is, all with a sense of humor. She would laugh at this video, I hope, not taking offense at any of the jabs and maybe adding an observation or two of her own.

In defense of the pregnant women out there, I must say that you all seem to be handle the worst invasions of privacy and personal space that occur in the most casual of ways: belly-rubbing/touching. Oh. My. Gosh. I would freak the hell out if anyone attempted to pat my belly and give advice all while I'm wondering who the fuck these people are and why are they talking to me. I don't even like it when people are invading my personal space for routine chitchat, let alone touch me, and I'm not even dealing with incubating a baby with my body! (The worst violations of my personal space always occurred at church. No lies, people have no problem getting all up in your face when they're in JC's house. I don't know if it's an expression of community, lack of manners or asserting authority/dominance, but it's rude. Back off.) I seriously think it stems from an outdated assumption that these women, as baby-makers/breeders, are no longer subject to personal privacy; their decision to have a child puts them into a realm of public opinion and physicality, with no space left for the woman as an individual. This mindset, of course, is all the result of the long history of women as property and marriage being an economic arrangement, etc., etc. Are there any pregnant women who have let others know that their touching, comments are not welcome? I'd love to hear those stories.